Spiritual Practices For Folks Who Don't Feel Very Spiritual
A quest for connection
I was laying in bed a few nights ago, mindlessly scrolling through the rotation of feeds that work to supplant my own consciousness with a never-ending stream of how-to-cook videos, hot takes, and “Did you know?” posts about whatever meaningless nonsense. It’s amazing how resilient our brains are, if you pause to think about it, that it takes this constant flood of information and then somehow begs for more. To mix metaphors, it’s like we’re wired for sound but not meant to take the barrage of explosions that we sit ourselves next to every day. I’m once again reminded of the need to quiet my brain and to tune myself to a different frequency.
Whether you protest this fact or not, there’s no denying that we in the good ol’ U.S. of A are generally trending away from traditional religion observance. The narratives and data are complicated, but less people attend church (or other religious gatherings) on the regular or define themselves in orthodox terminology in the way that past generations did (New York Times columnist Jessica Grose has a fascinating five-part newsletter about this topic that is worth checking out). For some this may be something to mourn and for others it might be cause for optimism. I tend to think about its major historical implications, as a transition that has a chance to bring with it many positives but will undoubtedly have consequences that are worth considering. That sounds rather objective, but of course my own biases present themselves in any discussion about this topic. I won’t delve too much into my personal perspective here but instead want to illustrate for others what it might mean to wander through new territories, especially if they are transitioning out of old ones.
But I’ll be a little honest too, I’m not quite sure how I define spirituality for myself anymore. I know that it is incredibly different than how I would have described it twenty, ten, or even five years ago. I’m going to go ahead and bet that it is a good thing, because from what I have witnessed those who don’t change their viewpoints much over time seem stuck in a lot of ways (at times with mild outcomes, but often accompanied by more destructive and painful consequences). Whatever it may be or however you construct it, I think a major aspect of spirituality is connection. While this is a broad sentiment, I find it important to emphasize connection to self, connection to others, connection to a higher power (if one so chooses), and connection to surroundings as a pathway for personal development. That may still sound a bit too vague for some but that’s all I’ve got worked out at this point. We live within a cacophony of distractions, much of which is intentionally designed to keep us off-kilter (usually for marketing purposes). Whatever we can do to maintain an interior and exterior focus will be welcome for a robust and holistic existence. I think these types of connections are formed in a myriad of ways, but in an effort to be a little precise, here are a few things I’m working on to stay more attuned and grow myself:
Detaching from technology. I have started leaving my phone in other rooms of the house and taking extended breaks from looking at screens. I don’t do this as often as I should, but this is becoming a practice I’m integrating frequently. Our phones have become bodily extensions of ourselves, close to Frankenstein levels at this point, so I’m finding it increasingly helpful to dismember that part of myself so I can be present to wherever I am at and whomever I am with.
Driving in silence. I love a good podcast or playlist on the road, but I’m discovering that sitting in silence in my car is improving my focus and decreasing some of my internal road rage. It also readies me for wherever I am venturing off to next.
Check-ins with friends. For example, I have a once-a-week check-in with a dear friend I’ve known for twenty years and we simultaneously navigate serious matters, NBA trades and news, and discussions about Taco Bueno in a matter of minutes. I hate the phrase, but it is important that we all find “our people” and check in on them often. Whether it be phone calls or coffee hangs, it’s vital that we find ways to connect with the people that know us best and also give of ourselves to them.
Journaling. Ever since the pandemic started, I’ve been consistent about journal-writing and it is a lovely practice. I’m generally a once-a-week chronicler and I write stupid and meaningful stuff in there which helps me reflect on the past, hone in on present issues, and ponder the future.
Meditation. Again, this is an inconsistent practice but I have found that it helps me focus, especially when daily life gets chaotic. I use the Calm app and I highly recommend the guided morning meditations (generally around 10 minutes), which helps me prepare for whatever comes at me on a particular day.
Reading. Going through grad school, starting a family, and working full time allows for all kinds of excuses not to do helpful things such as reading, but it’s a healthy exercise for my brain and I have to pledge time to it in order to feel more like myself. It too functions as a sort of meditation for me and I’ve been committing to it at least 30 minutes a day as of late.
Asking questions. Here’s what I mean with this statement: Be curious. Take time to ask questions of your friends, family members, coworkers, etc. This practice helps me break up patterns of assumption, biases, and frozen thinking. These questions don’t always have to be super deep, but the process helps me grow and learn instead of relying on what I assume to be true. It grows me closer to others as well.
Drinking more water and eating better things. Again, the name of the game is not always consistency but integration. I’m a sucker for all kinds of junk and I’m not an advocate for crash or fad diets, so meaningful and gradual consumption of healthier options makes much more sense for me. Our minds and bodies are intricately connected and need to teach each other how to live better and I’m working on being a better student.
Exercise and Nature. I walk my dogs daily, I play basketball 1 to 2 times a week, I hike occasionally, and I’m about to undertake more exercises like cycling and kayaking. Working out is about enjoyment and I’m not going to commit to it unless I love doing it. The last few years for me have been my most active to date (plus I no longer feel guilty about skipping the gym) and has led to wonderful outcomes. Another key aspect of working out is a connection to the environment, especially if I get to do activities such as trail walking or hiking. There’s also a growing body of research emphasizing exercising in natural areas over doing so in a neighborhood, gym, or other urban settings.
Watching movies. I’ve always found watching films to be an exercise in wrestling with profundity. It’s a different engagement than watching television and often feels more meditative. I tend to gravitate toward the slower-moving flicks that can quiet and disquiet my soul in a variety of ways. It may be harder these days to sit down for 2-3 hours straight, but taking breaks along the way is fine by me.
I hope there are a few practices here that either make sense or encourage you to think about what provides you connection. No matter what my beliefs are, I’ll always be a person fascinated by spirituality and personal development. Wherever you are on the spiritual spectrum, I hope that you’ll find ways to connect to reality in deeper ways, and even to see that ordinary practices can be transformative and good for the soul. We have so many things competing for our attention that we end up not paying attention to the things that matter. Let’s find ways to live out our daily lives more richly.
A final thought. This might not be helpful for all but it was a much-needed salve for me several years ago in my healing process. Due to a lot of religious hangups in my past, I spent a majority of my life feeling intense shame connected to actions and thoughts around my exterior and interior life. This led to lost relationships, gaining a lot of weight, and a few years of depression (this is something I’ll come back to in future writing). It took me years to trust my intuition and love myself a little better. I had to conceptually transition from thinking “Is this behavior sinful?/ Am I sinful?” to “Is this behavior healthy?/ Am I healthy? ”. Once I began to look at my life (intellectually, psychologically, physiologically) through the lens of health, I saw a real turn in my well-being. I sincerely hope that connects with some of you because it is a piece of wisdom I wish I had learned sooner.
Be kind to yourself and others out there, y’all. See you next week.
What I’m Watching
The Indiana Jones Collection
In anticipation of the fifth and presumably final film in the Indiana Jones series, Emily and I have been revisiting the previous entries and in short: Raiders is still amazing, Temple of Doom was not, Last Crusade remains a personal favorite, and Crystal Skull was better than I remember (still not great). I’m remaining hopeful for Dial of Destiny.
The Bear (Season 2)
The second season of The Bear is now tied for me with Succession’s final season as the best television of 2023. I loved Ritchie’s story arc and Sydney’s journey as a chef, plus the soundtrack is once again stellar. I don’t binge many shows, to my wife’s dismay, but I stuffed this one down quickly. It was fast food made with the best of ingredients.
What I’m Hearing
Fleet Foxes at Cain’s Ballroom (live concert)
Tulsans know that one of the best music venues in the country resides in our own backyard and I had the fortunate opportunity to catch Fleet Foxes once again in this historic gem. I’m happy that this band has made it out of the Mumford era with their musical integrity intact while experimenting with new sounds, as I have found the last two of their albums wonderfully complex and moving. Uwade, their opener, was so good and I look forward to hearing more of her music in the future.
What I’m Reading
Burn it Down by Maureen Ryan
I’m still working my way through Maureen Ryan’s troubling but important work, Burn It Down. Ryan does a great job of gathering insider perspectives on how the Hollywood industry often runs, but the fascinating part has been the deep dive on the culture of SNL and Lorne Michaels’ direction of the show. While it’s disturbing material, fore sure, Ryan’s writing is helping to paint a better picture of what healthier creativity can look like.
What I’m Eating/Drinking
Jalapeño Poppers
Cream cheese + cheddar cheese + jalapeños + bacon + bbq sauce = Perfection. I do a variation of The Pioneer Woman’s recipe but cut the bacon strips in half and do a pre- and post-cook slathering of Head Country bbq sauce. It’s a staple of many game day watches and just made an appearance at a July 4th cookout this past week and was a big hit!
Vanilla Iced Latte at Notion Tulsa
I ventured out into the world of co-working last week and did some writing at the new Root Coworking offices, which also plays host to the new Notion Market Cafe. I’m basic, but I often judge a shop by how good their iced lattes are and I had a real good time with this one. The beverage and the space were both delightful.