How To... Watch Movies in a Theater
A guide for being a decent human in a public space
I’ve always been a big fan of going to movie theaters. It feels like a mini-event in a lot of ways: you select a time to go, confirm the details with friends or family, perhaps go out to eat before or after the film with said group, and ideally you are phone-free and disconnected from the outer world for at least two hours. In many ways, movies have functioned as a sort of meditation for me, because meditation is not the absence of content or focus, it is centering around something. So while it may sound a little dramatic to say, and just I’ll say it anyway, movies have been a form of spiritual practice for me as well. That is part of the reason why I created this website and blog in the first place, to articulate the many ways in which different artistic expressions have improved and expanded my life. It’s probably also the reason why the theater feels like a sacred space to me and why I want to defend it from detractors and ne’er do wells.
But we all know that any public space and any gathering of people will have awkward moments and disruptions. Us humans already had a difficult time sitting still and focused for over two hours and the pandemic has only made that worse. I’ve been to the movies a handful of times in the past two years, mostly out of safety precautions but also with a large dose of apprehension around re-entering a space where I start to dread our collective existence and the futility of our species. But then it occurred to me that perhaps we need a new set of guidelines, an agreed-upon list of expectations around what it looks like to go to a movie theater. Of course, I have no authority and very few people will read this, but I invite you to share in my common cause of theater respectability. Here are the rules as followed:
Have your list of desired snacks and beverages at the ready when you approach the cash register. Concession stands, especially in movie theaters, are notoriously long and slow. For some reason, even after having ten minutes while in a queue to decide what they want, people often wind up at the counter acting as if they’ve never seen a menu before. We all know what is there, come prepared.
Arrive on time. Treat it like an important meeting and be there 15 minutes early. If it were up to me, people wouldn’t be allowed in once the movie started. If you missed it, you better hope there are available seats for the next showing.
You get one opportunity to get up during the screening. With this one shot you get to go to the bathroom, get a refill, send a quick text, etc. But that is the max. If you need to get up more than once within a 2-3 hour period, on demand movies at home is your bag.
A person can visit with their friend(s) while the commercials are on, even during the trailers (though this should be limited), and absolutely no conversation while the movie is playing. We should all pretend we are riding on public transportation. No eye contact, just look straight ahead. It’s that simple.
This should go without saying, but turn your phone to silent. If it rings multiple times, you just need to pack your stuff and go home in shame. We should be able to throw popcorn at you on the way out too. Before you call me a Pharisee, I’m okay with people having their phones in the cup holder (which is what I typically do) or on the arm rest and I’ve even shot a quick text to someone in an emergency. But anything beyond that is bad behavior.
If you do get up in a theater, and especially one with chairs that recline, it is your responsibility to maneuver through the aisle and exit quietly. Please don’t inconvenience the rest of us who are being responsible stewards of the theatrical experience.
You don’t get to ask questions/make comments about the movie. This may appear like deeper engagement, but just stop it. “Who is that guy? Do you think she did it? I don’t understand why they’re going down that alley-way!” My guess is that most of your questions will be answered by the end of the film and if not, there’s always Google afterward.
Please don’t bring kids to movies that are not children’s movies. I don’t feel like I should have to explain this one either. There are plenty of options at home with streaming and on-demand. If you can’t get a sitter, that doesn’t mean they get to come with you. That means movie night at home.
Feel free and encouraged to gasp, awe, laugh, cry, and make all kinds of faces. I truly believe in getting lost in the experience, just don’t make it cumbersome for those around you.
Lastly, there’s no need to clap at the end of a movie. This may seem like a direct refutation of my last point, but here’s why it’s not: The emotional process of a film is about how we internalize it, and sometimes that has a physical expression, which is great. Clapping is meant to applaud and recognize someone else, specifically the creators of an artistic piece. Unless you are at a screening where they are present, why are you clapping?
Will you join my cause? Would you add more expectations? Am I going too far? You can let me know, but I’m standing by my list.
Also, support your local cinema. We’ve got a great one here in Tulsa, Circle Cinema. I’ll be on my way there soon.