Father Days
Reportage from two months of fatherhood
My first Father’s Day was a wild and unforgettable one. Usually when I am woken abruptly in the middle of the night it’s because my newborn son is stirring and he wants to eat. Instead, we were greeted on this particular Sunday morning with 100 mph winds, a tree falling over in our backyard, and our power shutting off. Remarkably, my son stayed asleep through the entire ordeal. The “Tulsa Stormpocalypse of 2023” shut down the city for an entire week and felt like a truncated version of a Covid shutdown with gas, groceries, and cell service chased down like we were all in a live version of Mario Kart.
The realization that I am a dad is still a bizarre one for me because for so much of my life I didn’t know if being one would ever really happen. Some men seem to know that they want to be fathers early on but that was not the case for me, which I have chalked up mostly to the fact that I’ve been a “go with the flow” type of person my entire life. By the time I got into my mid-thirties I assumed it would not happen and I became somewhat fine with that option. But as slow and tedious as life can travel at times, there can be sudden bursts of movement and transformation that change your personhood in so many ways. Within a few short years I met Emily, got married, bought a house, became a dog parent twice over, and found myself a proud dad of an eight-week-old baby boy. I’ll spare you the quote from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, but life can indeed move at remarkable rates. It’s an education being a parent and I’ve been overloaded with a barrage of lessons. Here are a few takeaways from the journey thus far:
I’ve accepted several new part-time jobs without any additional pay: I’m a dishwasher, every morning I wake up to a stack of bottles and formula mixers that need washing and drying. I’m also a bartender/mixologist, but the cocktail is an incredibly simple formula and is made daily for a drunkard who can’t seem to have enough. I’m a housekeeper frequently replacing sheets, doing laundry, and cleaning up bodily fluids. There are more jobs, I’m sure of it, but I’m too tired to mention here.
They say that there are no atheists in foxholes, but I don’t think the person who coined this phrase understood the petitions of an exhausted parent hoping their baby will go back to bed at 4 in the morning.
I realize that this won’t always be the case so believe me that I am cherishing this time, but I didn’t realize how many podcasts, books, and tv that I would be able to churn through with a newborn. There are so many places in my life right now that feel unproductive but I am a content machine thanks to a little man that sleeps or eats 95% of the time.
One of the key pieces of advice that I got was to keep up date nights in the midst of having children and I have indeed cherished the times in which Emily and I have been able to get away for a meal and an adult beverage on our own, but I also feel like a sort of zombie partner (at least conversationally). While we are not at all that couple that you see in a restaurant looking past each other being silent, I do fear at times I am not being fully present and engaging. Perhaps it’s just me but I often feel that there is so much on the mind these days (new anxieties and worries and all that) that it is simply easier to exist in a sort of survival mode. It’s something that I have to work through and it’s an added challenge.
With that said, it’s so mind-blowing to see a different facet of the person you are partnered with when faced with a new challenge. Parenthood has allowed me to see with even more depth how giving, thoughtful, and intentional Emily is and how wonderful she is at motherhood. I don’t tell her that enough, so once I finish here I’m going to go do that…
My son’s giggle is the best sound I’ve ever heard. I’ve only encountered it once, but it was magical. I now understand the lengths parents will go to produce that response.
That’s the news from the front. More updates will be on the way.
Here’s What I’m Watching
Somebody Somewhere (Season 2)
What an absolute treasure of a television show. It’s a relatively simple story with complex people who you joyfully root for and my hope is that more people will watch this series. Jeff Hiller’s character, Joel, is one of my favorites of the last few years. I also want to champion more stories that don’t require intricate plot points but instead showcase how life actually feels.
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
If you’re anything like me, you are absolutely exhausted with the surplus of multiverses and comic book shenanigans. All that said, I was thoroughly impressed by the second Spider-Verse movie, which gave me lots of Empire Strikes Back vibes coupled with stunning visuals and animation. Somehow this movie is both loud and propulsive and quiet and reflective all at the same time. I might be pressing pause on most Marvel IP these days, but I will welcome this type of storytelling anytime.
Here’s What I’m Hearing
First Two Pages of Frankenstein by The National
I’m not sure this new entry from The National is all that unique but I’ll always welcome new music from this crew and there are a couple of legitimate tracks that will be in my rotation for quite a while. I guess it fits that this new father would advocate for sad dad rock, but I’m okay with being a bit basic sometimes.
Long Shadow: Rise of the American Far Right by Garett Graff
This seven-part podcast series tracks the events of Waco and Oklahoma City all the way to the January 6th attack on the U.S. Capitol, all the while exploring how fringe right-wing thought has moved from the edges and into the mainstream. I’m always fascinated by this subject matter and Graff does excellent and quick work of connecting the dots, but I have to warn you that this might give you a few nightmares because it for sure rattled me.
Here’s What I’m Reading
Burn it Down: Power, Complicity, and a Call for Change in Hollywood by Maureen Ryan
I’m about a third of the way through this book but I’ve found this Hollywood chronicle informative, enlightening, and quite sad. It’s also disheartening to read that some of the shows I love dearly, such as LOST and Mad Men, were on many occasions hosts to toxic environments and problematic people. I do think that there are changes happening in the industry but it’s a shame that so many creators have been suppressed and disregarded due to the power structures involved in entertainment.
Here’s What I’m Eating and Drinking
Casa Tequila
If you’re in the Tulsa area, or ever choose to visit, I want to preach to you the good news of the Casa Tequila margarita. It’s strong, it’s large, and it’s delightful. Tulsa plays host to a vast and amazing array of Mexican restaurants and food trucks, but as for me and my house, we will stopping in at this house of tequila as much as possible. While we of course love the food there, a pairing with said margarita is a must for the full experience. On the rocks or frozen, you can’t go wrong.
I love your posts!